and this means socially. And talk, don't just stand there and make googoo eyes and try to look sexy. I've always suspected Freud's theory on homosexuals being fixated at an immature stage came from walking through a gay park and seeing their frantically cruising one another not by talking but by animal-like eyeing one another.

-Cultivate the homophile married set. Like attracts like. And if you see something good that's already married-well, as a doctor friend whose own homophile marriage busted up says, "You've got to keep in touch, you never know." Homophile marriages have divorces, too.

-Don't fritter away your sexual energy while you shop around. A play gets its notices, reviews, reputation, and advance sale from opening night.

-If you don't cook, look for somebody who can. Into old age, you'll be needing food three times a day. Even the wildest ratings in Kinsey don't have sex that much.

-If you hanker for a house, don't "wait for marriage" to buy one. The type that likes marriage likes nothing more. However, don't get overly attached to it. If a prospective partner shows desire for another house, move. There are plenty of fine real estate agents (a breed, by the way, that is very remarkably free from prejudice). But there are no agents for finding homophile marriage partners.

Don't expect to be continually amused and unbored every hour of the day you spend with a prospective marriage partner. If you're the gay type that tries to be continually amused, you're not only unsuited for marriage, you just haven't grown up.

Don't worry in advance about what your heterosexual mother, father, sisters, brothers, or neighbors "will say" about your homophile marriage. You'll be surprised at how heterosexuals' attitudes change to re-

one

spect when faced with what they've been told is impossible from homosexuals a show of guts. The chances are they will never "say" anything. And you will probably be so happy that you will be the one who wants to speak up. But keep your big mouth shut.

-Expect to adjust. If your partner likes things you think are "weird", like birdwatching, grunion running, or sex in the mornings, well, at least give it a fling. Keep in mind that the partner will always have a bitch list at least as long as the one you'll be keeping.

-Don't be afraid of going into communal debt with a marriage partner-and a big one, such as a car or, better yet, a house and furniture. Let's face it spats and blow-ups are inherent in any marriage, and heteros have divorce laws and children as aids to cooling off, but we don't. Don't think you're going to get married and have an agrement that you'll each keep ownership separate for everything "in case it doesn't work out"because with that attitude it won't. A divorce under the other system may be one hell of a mess, but at least you had a chance and a messy division of property will probably beat some sense into your head and make you work harder to avoid one the next time it did me!

Go to a private M.D., tell him you want a Wassermann cause you had a few too many one night a month ago and in a hotel bar you picked up this girl, of whom all you know is that she said she was passing through town and her first name was Phoebe. There is nothing wrong in having VD, but there is in keeping it.

Keep the gut down. If you feel frustrated and think you've got to sublimate, pick on anything but food. It is not (what is?) a good substitute for an enjoyable sex life.

--Keep clean. All over.

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